christmas break and all that jazz.

I'm in Los Angeles until January 7. As usual, it's a ridiculously good time, but geez louise: I NEED A NAP. There's something extremely exhausting about this city. I think it might stem from the idea that Los Angeles is filled with endless possibilities. If you want to go to the beach, you go to the beach. If you want to go to the mountains, you go to the mountains. If you want to put on a zebra striped tube top, drink 8 dollar beers and watch a bad reggae band play bad reggae music, you go right ahead. Everything in the world is approximately 3 freeways and 35 minutes away.

I have to admit that I miss living in a place with such limitless potential. I think that having that much accessibility is pretty inspiring. When I'm here, I feel like I can do anything, and by extension, BE anything. But on the flip side (and you know how I love flip sides), being here also reminds me of how tired I was when I lived in L.A. I used to be able to fall asleep anywhere. One of my favorite places to nap used to be in drive-through car washes. I loved the way the water blurred the windows on my car and made it literally impossible to see. I liked how the noise drowned out everything else. I paid a buck fifty every week for at least two years to run my car through a crappy car wash. Those 5 minute naps were totally worth it.

The focus of this city is always on what's going to happen next, and rarely on what's happening in the moment. And something I've realized in the past few years is that I'm pretty fond of moments.

--buelsy (catching some zzz's)

headache city.

I'm playing around with this little idea called: no drinking until the thesis is complete (April 15, 2008 is the current due date). I believe this course of action would be beneficial for four (for four!) reasons:

1) Like babies, theses risk birth defects when their mothers imbibe alcohol (Mine has arguably already incurred damage. I'm sorry, little thesis!)
2) Alcohol kills brain cells. If I have EVER in my life needed brain cells, it's now. I can kill them later... when I have tenure.
3) Think of all the calories! This would be a good way to kick start the diet I've been procrastinating on and lose a good five to ten pounds without going to the gym (cringe).
4) Alchie is expensive. No drinks for five months could translate into lots of other lovely consumerism for Buelsy.

I'm not making a final decision yet, because let's face it, five months is long time to be the Designated Driver, the Sober and Snobby Onlooker, the Polite Decliner, and the Crazed Graduate Student without Release (Well, I take that last one back. I in fact find release in plenty of other things such as Reality TV, Really Good Thai Food, Going to Target, and Online Window Shopping). Thinking very seriously about this whole idea, though... final decision coming soon.

I have SO MUCH TO DO today. First and most importantly: eat some oatmeal and take something pharmaceutic to stop the sensation of entire freeways of cars crashing into my head.

--buelsy (all about the excess)

indulgence is the word of the day.

I always write after I eat at McDonald's. I think its because facets of indulgence go together. Physical indulgence... mental indulgence... emotional indulgence... and the cycle continues. Really, though, I can't blame myself for succumbing to McDonald's. For that I blame the man who invented the Sausage McGriddle.

GRAND PLANS FOR TUESDAY, OCTOBER 29

• Mail out Netflix
• Indulge in self-pity about missing the Office and Weeds for the past 2 weeks
• Coach
• Do laundry
• Grade Reading Objectives
• Make Grade Reports
• Try to avoid prepping for my Prospectus Defense
• Continue avoidance by eating 2 dollar tacos at The Library
• Indulge in a teary-eyed, hand-wringing, A-hugging nervous breakdown because I haven't prepared for my Prospectus Defense
• Eat lemon sorbet and gummy bears as a metaphorical last meal
• Decide the world really isn't that bad and prep for my Prospectus Defense*
  

*Acknowledgment of self-destructive life patterns is clearly not enough to break them.

OTHER NEWS ON THE BUELSY FRONT

1. Generally speaking, whenever I leave school mid-morning on Tuesday or Thursday (with the purpose of picking up A and jointly consuming food that may or may not be McDonald's), I'm forced to park in the far away lot when I return. Without fail, by the time I haul my lazy ass back over to Lang Hall, there's an empty spot ten feet away from the front door, emblazoned with the message: Suck on that, biatch.
2. For the last couple of weeks, I have literally been too stressed out to sleep. I lay down and close my eyes, but even though my mind and body are exhausted, I can't unclench my muscles, I can't stop thinking about snippets of speeches and theses, or about how much my eyeballs hurt (yes, my eyeballs). Enter Ambien. We'll see how it goes.
   
3. The Fox News motto "We report. You decide." causes me to literally laugh out loud.
4. This is very, very disturbing. Thanks to JAD for pointing me to a reason to throw up the McDonald's I just ate that does not include eating disorders.
   
5. I think it would be interesting to do a demographic study of spectrum of individuals opposed to Starbucks. Maybe I will eventually do this study if my life as a researcher is not nipped in the proverbial bud tomorrow.
6. Boo to Mimi Smartypants for publishing pieces of wonderful so few and far between.
   
7. Somebody near and dear to me lost somebody near and dear to her over the weekend. My hugs go out to her. The situation has made me realize that the Midwest is a facade. Because tragic things don't happen as frequently as they do in Los Angeles, it's easy to believe that they don't exist. But they do, and this makes me miss everybody I love who is far away.
   

--buelsy (48 days from home)

break-ups and blogsounds.

I woke up this morning, went to take a shower, and discovered that there was no water to be had in Messy Manor (apart from A's many and scattered half-full water bottles). It really threw me off. Kinda like getting up on the wrong side of the bed. Only the shower. In consequence, I have a paper to re-write, five million things to read, three classes to plan, and a prospectus to finish editing. In short: Good bye, weekend. It was nice when we were together. Maybe it'll work out again someday. But right now, I think we should just see other people. You? You'll see happy people with lots of free time. Me? I'll see dead or distant writers who fail to communicate clearly. It's okay. Better to have loved and lost, right?

MENTAL DEVIATIONS FROM WRITING THE UNSUCCESSFUL PAPER FOR C-H:

1. Most over-used word in scholarly writing: notion

2. Favorite new scholarly writers: Moya and Blankenship

• How much would you love it if more authoritative sources talked in every day language? (AKA colloquialism as a marketing strategy.) I'll write about it.

• For instance, imagine a little window popping up on your computer that reads: “Firefox doesn’t know what to do :( ”

• I find great comfort/joy in adding words to my Microsoft Word Dictionary. Language can be conquered! Boo-yah!
  

• In California I drive slowly (occasionally) out of fear of getting egregiously expensive tickets. In Iowa, I drive slowly (almost always) because I’m afraid I’m going to hit a deer.

--buelsy (one foot in the shower)