weekends come and go.

When I was younger I was a huge fan of the Anne of Green Gables series (there, it's out!). One of my favorite Anneisms was "I am drowning in the depths of despair." I've used that wonderful, overly dramatic phrase a number of times in the past decade, and each time it has been anything but an accurate description of my life. But it occurred to me this morning that right now, I may in fact be drowning in the depths of despair. No drama, no over-exaggeration involved. I just spent an entire weekend doing... nothing. I mean, in all fairness to myself, I did do laundry and some major anxiety cleaning, which can both be considered fairly productive actions. I also went to downtown Main Street with some people on Friday night and ended up finding an apartment to sublet this summer. But I did not work on my thesis nor did I do any homework. Drowning, people, drowning.

We leave for NFA in a little over a week (GO PANTS!). After I get back, there are only a little over two weeks left of school. Point being, everything is happening too fast for me to be philandering with cleaning supplies on a Sunday afternoon.

-buelsy (needs to kick it into high gear)

middle of the night moves.

The semester's over. Well, almost. I have to go to Cup O' Joe tomorrow and finish reading final papers so that I can turn in grades. I actually like grading, though. Yes, I am freaky/cool like that.

Grad school has wrecked havoc on my life in many ways. I'm unable to sleep with out medical aid anymore. When I lay down I can't relax my muscles or my brain. My doings-of-laundry are few and far between. I call my house Messy Manor for a reason. My nails are bitten. My hair is a little bit more gray. My caffeine addiction is infinitely worse (as if anybody though that were possible). My utilities bill is currently late. I think about speech all the time.

But, oh my god. I am so *freaking* happy.

--buelsy (going home on wednesday)

parenthesis and pants.

Last night I realized that the last couple of months have been strangely reminiscent of my first year at UCLA, almost completely because of my speechies. I used to lay on the ground in the hallways in Hedrick Hall (3 North, Baby!), and talk to people I loved for hours, regardless of the hours worth of homework I had to do. I'm pretty much doing the same thing now, only I get to sit in my office or peruse the squadroom. Yay for moving up, and yay for reliving the very, very best of times (Cheers, Charles Dickens). In example, last night I almost peed on myself when Anna McD literally appeared out of a trash can and I literally ran away (similar to that time I tried to go see The Texas Chainsaw Massacre, which is a horrible, horrible movie). I have not laughed that hard for a long time (or been so near to heart failure). There you go, Emmap. I totally blogged about it.

Christmas break cannot come too soon, but the above realization is going make it full of miss-age. I think that's one of the two best benefits of Facebook: 1) alleviation of school break friend miss-age, and 2) flat out stalking.

Thank God for academia and weeks that kinda* end on Thursday. Only two assignments and fourteen and a half hours left.

*This weekend, we (as in Baby Thesis** and me) are trying a new plan: the library.
**SD is helping me brainstorm for a Thesis name. Sadly, they don't have books of options for these things. Results coming soon.

--buelsy (ready to take a big, fat sleeping pill)

insane or just sleep deprived? you decide.

I feel like I'm losing it. I'm misspelling my favorite words, I'm walking into rooms with purposes that I forget the minute I get through the door, I'm getting teary-eyed when I retell duos I watched over the weekend, I'm writing checks for my utilities bill and not mailing them, I'm thinking about going to bed even though I still need to plan my class, hem my pants, pack for NCA and paint my nails (the important things, people!).

The weekend was okay. Both very frustrating and very fun for the usual respective reasons. I kinda of fell in love with the University of Wisconsin, Madison. Coolest town ever. If the idea of getting a PhD in the next few years continues to amuse me, I'm going to apply there. Let me warn you though, dear readers (all three of you), the idea is verging on NOT amusing right about now.

Next year is pretty much worked out. Arguably the coolest thing that has happened in my life so far.

--buelsy (too bad she still has to write that thesis)

side note(s).

I'm all about soothing life's traumas (see previous post) with animated movies. Watching Flushed Away right now. With Hot Wings/Blue Cheese Doritos. Which are fab.

Bee-Tee-Dub (if you get that sort of lingo, I love you), I was just realizing to A that I'm only going to be home for three days over the two weeks, so if I'm not so much about the updating, this is why:

Friday-Sunday (late, late): Tournament in Wisconsin
Monday: The First of Three Days Home
Tuesday: Tournament in Minnesota
Wednesday-Sunday: NCA
Monday-Tuesday: The Second and Third of Three Days Home
Wednesday-Friday: Chicago for Thanksgiving
Friday-Sunday: Coma-Like Sleep

At this point? Either I'm going to have to become an incredible Work-While-Traveling sort of person, or my thesis (and graduate career in general) is just a figment of imagination.

I need to do laundry. I think I'll pass out first.

--buelsy (bye for now)

sleepy face.

I want this bag. It is very rad. The unfortunate thing is that it's only offered with the purchase of Method products. Don't get me wrong--I'm a huge fan of Method, I think they are everything that is right and hip about environmentalism. However, I'm not really in the financial state to be spending big bucks (yes, $20 is big bucks) at this point in my life. It's the first week of the month. I'm still recovering from the trauma of a rapidly emptied bank account.

I'm also still recovering from the trauma of turning in a paper for Critical Methods. I should keep working on it, because it was not nearly up to par, but I just can't... I need to take the weekend off (and by that I mean go to a Tournament and work on a million other things).

Anyways. I should put some make up on. I overslept and rushed in to Oral Comm. borderline late. My hair was like (insert freakiest idea possible) and I definitely had a deodorant mark on my shirt. I think I scared the kids. How's that for a teaching strategy? If you can't get 'em to respect you, just show up in your pajamas.

--buelsy (late to a meeting)

two dollar tacos.

This has already been a hard week to get through (yes, I realize it just began), and it's going to get even harder. Paper due tomorrow night, another paper due the night after that (albeit much less of a big deal), a tournament this weekend, a tournament next Tuesday, NCA from Wednesday-Sunday, and then Chicago for Thanksgiving the next Wednesday. OH EM GEE.

So that's that. Heart failure.

Samson by Regina Spektor: Best song ever.

--buelsy (in the throes of academic torture)

bullet point magic.

• I like to make potentially fun days in my life even MORE fun by also scheduling something undoubtedly horrific for the same day. Case in point: Next Wednesday is Halloween. I love Halloween. Halloween is potentially a very fun time. Next Wednesday is also my Thesis Prospectus Defense. This will definitely be horrific. Nonetheless, I think the logic is like this: After completing the Defense, I will be so relieved and carefree that the potential for fun on Halloween night will be increased by at least fifty percent.
• My bed popped (the undeniable down-side of sleeping on an airbed and owning cats), and I've been sleeping on the floor. It's really not too bad because I'm usually so tired that I could fall asleep on a log in the middle of a lake if I had to, but the ensuing headaches make me want to pick up said log and jam it into my eyeball.
• Dooce is pretty rad.
  
• Snakemouth is coming tomorrow. Plans for presenting Christmas Island at its finest:

1. George Wyth Park Hike and picnic
   
2. Downtown Christmas Island Window Shopping Extravaganza
3. Blessings II Go
4. Hornsby's Crisp Apple Hard Cider*
5. Cottonwood Canyon Spicy Hashbrown Skillets
   

*Hornsby's Crisp Apple Hard Cider is an excellent way to experience fall. It is also an excellent way to consume 600-800 calories within 45 minutes. It is also an excellent way to make your teeth very sensitive for 3-4 days. It is entirely worth it.

• California is on fire, but I wish I were there.

--buelsy (floor sleeper extraordinaire)

maniacal candy eating gets the job done.

PARTICULARLY RELEVANT ISSUES FOR OCTOBER 16, 2007:

1. I can't stop eating candy. Every time I think I'm over candy, the "over-ness" only lasts for about five minutes, and then an alert in my brain goes off saying (in a startling good impression of Willy Wonka): "There are things in this world made purely of sugar! You're an adult! You can consume them whenever you want!" And then I cave. I mean, come on... it's candy.

2. I love blogs--I need blogs, but I have found it nearly impossible in the past to maintain one. Nonetheless, at this point in my life, when thesis writing is pretty much like breathing (if you're not doing anything else, you better be doing this!), I've found that non-academic writing is actually a pretty good mental warm-up to the beautiful headache that is Judith Butler, Gayatri Spivak, Karlyn Kohrs Campbell and me. That being said, I'm going to make a concerted effort to start blogging on a semi-regular, if not actually regular basis. We'll see.

LIFE HAPPENINGS WORTHY OF MENTION:

• Plane tickets to California for Christmas: Purchased.

• Wikipedia research on the making of the Internet: Contrary to popular belief, Al Gore did not invent it. Guess he got the Nobel Prize for something else.

• Snakemouth (my partner in crime) is coming to visit me in a little more than a week: Ridiculous amounts of excitement.

• Prospectus Committee Meeting: Scheduled for Wednesday, October 31st at 1:30 p.m. There will be candy.

• Gave in and bought new make-up from Bare Escentuals: UPS, move your butt.

QUANDARIES AND CONJECTURE:

Q: I need new music.
C: Multiple choice testing is ridiculous.
Q: The bathroom is very far from my office. This is a quandary without remedy, but still worthy of public gripe.
C: I have the best speech team in the world (They virtually destroyed at a TCFL tournament in MN today). I heart them.
Q: There's a paper that needs to be written. Sadly, by me.
C: Loving A even more than usual.

--buelsy (walking in socks at the university of northern iowa).