word association.

I like Google's dependable sense of holiday spirit.

As you may or may not have realized, I had a momentary break through at the laundry room last night and consequentially felt very confident for my Prospectus Defense today. It went pretty well. My thesis is semi-different than what I thought it was, but in a good way. I have more clarity and direction now. Yay. I also have some catch up work to do on my supposedly three-fourths of the way done Method Chapter. Boo.

Speaking of "boo," happy Halloween. There's a party in the squadroom, complete with streamers, costumes, and an ouija board. I, in the spirit of adding to the party, am going to bring a hefty bit of grading that needs to be done by tomorrow morning.

Speaking of tomorrow morning, effectively, there are only two more days of Oral Communication to teach. The rest are "speech days," when they get to do the talking. There would be three left, but I'm tapping into professional liberty and canceling class so that K, A and I can drive to NCA in Chicago a day early.

Speaking of early, I want to take a muscle relaxer because my back has functionally "quit," but I have to wake up early, and in my world, muscle relaxers last about fifteen hours.

Speaking of hours, only 24 hours until Friday Funday, complete with Netflix, wine, vietnamese/thai food, and lots and lots of brain cell inactivity.

--buelsy (where's the candy?)

wash and dry.

The laundry room in my complex is the absolute best place to get work done--at least during dinner time on Tuesday nights when it's completely empty and lacks the a.d.d. enticements of Messy Manor and my office. The sound of the washers and dryers is comforting too. Alone, but not really. As far as prospectus prepping goes, maybe self-destructive patterns really can be broken. I'm remembering that I love to analyze political campaigns, and I didn't even have to take any stimulants.

--buelsy (diggin' for quarters)

indulgence is the word of the day.

I always write after I eat at McDonald's. I think its because facets of indulgence go together. Physical indulgence... mental indulgence... emotional indulgence... and the cycle continues. Really, though, I can't blame myself for succumbing to McDonald's. For that I blame the man who invented the Sausage McGriddle.

GRAND PLANS FOR TUESDAY, OCTOBER 29

• Mail out Netflix
• Indulge in self-pity about missing the Office and Weeds for the past 2 weeks
• Coach
• Do laundry
• Grade Reading Objectives
• Make Grade Reports
• Try to avoid prepping for my Prospectus Defense
• Continue avoidance by eating 2 dollar tacos at The Library
• Indulge in a teary-eyed, hand-wringing, A-hugging nervous breakdown because I haven't prepared for my Prospectus Defense
• Eat lemon sorbet and gummy bears as a metaphorical last meal
• Decide the world really isn't that bad and prep for my Prospectus Defense*
  

*Acknowledgment of self-destructive life patterns is clearly not enough to break them.

OTHER NEWS ON THE BUELSY FRONT

1. Generally speaking, whenever I leave school mid-morning on Tuesday or Thursday (with the purpose of picking up A and jointly consuming food that may or may not be McDonald's), I'm forced to park in the far away lot when I return. Without fail, by the time I haul my lazy ass back over to Lang Hall, there's an empty spot ten feet away from the front door, emblazoned with the message: Suck on that, biatch.
2. For the last couple of weeks, I have literally been too stressed out to sleep. I lay down and close my eyes, but even though my mind and body are exhausted, I can't unclench my muscles, I can't stop thinking about snippets of speeches and theses, or about how much my eyeballs hurt (yes, my eyeballs). Enter Ambien. We'll see how it goes.
   
3. The Fox News motto "We report. You decide." causes me to literally laugh out loud.
4. This is very, very disturbing. Thanks to JAD for pointing me to a reason to throw up the McDonald's I just ate that does not include eating disorders.
   
5. I think it would be interesting to do a demographic study of spectrum of individuals opposed to Starbucks. Maybe I will eventually do this study if my life as a researcher is not nipped in the proverbial bud tomorrow.
6. Boo to Mimi Smartypants for publishing pieces of wonderful so few and far between.
   
7. Somebody near and dear to me lost somebody near and dear to her over the weekend. My hugs go out to her. The situation has made me realize that the Midwest is a facade. Because tragic things don't happen as frequently as they do in Los Angeles, it's easy to believe that they don't exist. But they do, and this makes me miss everybody I love who is far away.
   

--buelsy (48 days from home)

sunday crunch time.

I've gotten into a bad habit of eating at McDonald's. It's close to my house, it's super cheap, and sometimes... $1 double cheeseburgers just taste good. It's also comforting on days like today, when I feel like I'm drowning in the world. Nothing like a little saturated fat to keep you afloat. Really, though, it's Sunday afternoon and I've accomplished virtually nothing this weekend. At least in the productive, academic sense. Or the productive pay-your-bills, get-your-oil-changed, do-your-laundry, buy-your-cat-food sense. On the Buelsy Productivity Scale, it was a 0. Time for a heart-weakening eight hour catch up session.

I did see Snakemouth, which was wonderful and bizarre. Wonderful because I love her, and bizarre because it felt like the past year and a half hadn't even existed. At one point on Thursday evening, I could have sworn that Gayley Avenue was down the block and around the corner, that JAD was across the hall, and that imbibing alcohol was a deliciously bad idea because I had to work at Expo in the morning. I understand the concept of Glory Days now.

I also saw an improv. show where A was working, went to a Capoeira performance*, caught up with K and CT (who FELL DOWN at said Capoeira show), and was prescribed lots of pharmaceuticals to make me feel less sad about developing sciatica at such a young age.

*Totally rad. I want to join. Not sure if they take sciatic neurotics.

My prospectus meeting is on Wednesday. I'm going to go hyperventilate now.

--buelsy (speeches to write, bills to pay)

bullet point magic.

• I like to make potentially fun days in my life even MORE fun by also scheduling something undoubtedly horrific for the same day. Case in point: Next Wednesday is Halloween. I love Halloween. Halloween is potentially a very fun time. Next Wednesday is also my Thesis Prospectus Defense. This will definitely be horrific. Nonetheless, I think the logic is like this: After completing the Defense, I will be so relieved and carefree that the potential for fun on Halloween night will be increased by at least fifty percent.
• My bed popped (the undeniable down-side of sleeping on an airbed and owning cats), and I've been sleeping on the floor. It's really not too bad because I'm usually so tired that I could fall asleep on a log in the middle of a lake if I had to, but the ensuing headaches make me want to pick up said log and jam it into my eyeball.
• Dooce is pretty rad.
  
• Snakemouth is coming tomorrow. Plans for presenting Christmas Island at its finest:

1. George Wyth Park Hike and picnic
   
2. Downtown Christmas Island Window Shopping Extravaganza
3. Blessings II Go
4. Hornsby's Crisp Apple Hard Cider*
5. Cottonwood Canyon Spicy Hashbrown Skillets
   

*Hornsby's Crisp Apple Hard Cider is an excellent way to experience fall. It is also an excellent way to consume 600-800 calories within 45 minutes. It is also an excellent way to make your teeth very sensitive for 3-4 days. It is entirely worth it.

• California is on fire, but I wish I were there.

--buelsy (floor sleeper extraordinaire)

weekend edition #2

Originally composed by A and buelsy at Toad's on Main Street, in downtown Christmas Island:

REASONS WHY MCDONALD'S SHOULD SERVE BREAKFAST 24-7

1. Because it's amazing.
2. Equal breakfast opportunity for night owls who wake up after 10:30 a.m., but zonk out again before 4:00 a.m. (Nearly every college student in America)
3. Decrease in road rage in evening rush hour commuters who consume Micky D's. Sugar makes you high.
   
4. The enticement of breakfast at night will actually lure drunkies away from bars before they drink beyond the point of no return.

REASONS WHY MCDONALD'S SHOULD POTENTIALLY NOT BREAKFAST 24-7

1. America becomes even more obese and eventually explodes.
2. Mom and pop diners lose customers. Who wants to eat a slightly-more-expensive breakfast with mom and pop when you can have a Sausage McGriddle?
3. The increase of supply will decrease the demand for McDonald's breakfast. It just tastes better when it's hard to get.
   
4. Quality decreases by an even greater degree of mass production of breakfast sandwiches.

SLIGHTLY NON-SEQUITOR, BUT VERY CLEAR CONCLUSION TO THE DEBATE: Sausage McGriddles. They make us happy.

In other news, the weekend went by fast. I've only crossed off about two of the thirty things on my agenda (thank you, Google Calendar). My propsectus has to be out by tomorrow. Messy Manor is even messier than usual. A is glum. I guess I'm a little glum too. Sundays are just like that.

--buelsy (but look at the trees!)

rest in peace.

TV-links got shut down.
Sad times for Generation X.

--buelsy (not sure how to proceed)

weekend edition #1

Friday Funday was alright—it could have been better. I ended up working on c-h’s paper until about six thirty a.m., and consequentially zonked out until mid-afternoon. Come to find out, the sleep schedule screw-up may have been in vain, because c-h didn’t even take the masterpiece on her debate trip (the whole point of finishing by eight a.m. Friday morning). It is still sitting untouched in her mailbox. In response to this situation, I kind of want to punch myself in the face. But moving on.

Several good things did happen during FF: (1) Target shopping, (2) J won his first football game, (3) Package from Bare Escentuals was finally* retrieved, and (4) A made a dinner that was not Thai, but still fab.

*Read post about the horrors of the U.S. package delivery system and weep.

A LINE FROM A SURVEY I TOOK IN 2005

"6. macs: if i could dedicate my body to the study of macs, i would."

I still feel that way.

CONCLUSIONS

• I like reading NY Times retractions. Nothing like the mistakes of the mighty.
  
• The Con by Tegan and Sara is brilliant. Best songs: The Con, Nineteen, Dark Come Soon, and Call It Off.
  
• Bare Escentuals: totally worth the over-pricing.
• I am addicted to Ambesol. This is because during stressful (all) times I chew my mouth to shreds. Neither of these conclusions can be good.
  
• My parents have broken into the world of text messaging.
  
• 43things.com is nice, but needs better aesthetics.
  
• I cannot get through another day of my life without purchasing the MLA Style Manual and Guide for Scholarly Publishing. This is sad because it costs $23.75, which is exactly $1.25 short of qualifying for FREE Super Saver Shipping.
• I need warmer socks.
  
• Fall in the Midwest: beautiful.
• Thai food tonight at Messy Manor.
  

--buelsy (against cold ankles)

muses: lost and found.

I still remember the first time I pulled an all-nighter. It was my first year at Moorpark College, and I was writing a twenty-five page paper for a history class. It was pretty easy, really. Textbook regurgitation, another paper for reference, low teacher expectations. I made a pot of coffee in my mom and dad’s kitchen, and drank the whole thing out of a sparkly plastic travel mug with flowers all over it.

Staying up all night was exciting back then. I was just discovering how quiet things get and how loud houses creak. How at a certain hour, not even the latest of night owls is on instant messenger. How typing the last words of a paper at the crack of dawn and knowing that you made it, that you escaped the deadline, is one of the best feelings ever.

My dad wouldn’t let me drive to school the next day even though I was eighteen. He was convinced that all-nighters equaled car crashes. He drove me to my nine a.m. class and waited for me to turn in my paper. When I got back home, I went into my room and laid on my bed. I didn’t even pull the covers down. I curled up, like a cat, with my grey hoodie covering my head and my converse still tied. My bedspread was cool against my cheek. For one moment, I felt like a champion.

--buelsy (not so spry these days)

caramel apple coma.

My new favorite thing to do is print out my Google Calendar and cross things out with blue marker when I finish them. The physicality of it makes me feel like I'm actually getting somewhere in life. I also like caramel apples. Just thought I'd throw that out there.

HUGE PROBLEM WITH THE WORLD: package delivery. Let's face it, most of the package-receiving world works from roughly nine o'clock until five o'clock Monday through Friday. It is very likely that they will not be home to receive their packages. Worse yet, a missed package generally not available to be picked up until shortly before the pick-up location closes. This creates a very small window of pick-up opportunity, often resulting in two or three more days of this unproductive cycle. Based on these sad facts, I propose a new system of package delivery. When something is ordered online or via catalog (who does that?), the eager customer will be given the opportunity to specify their package for "delivery" or "pick up." "Delivery" will be an exact replica of the crappy system as it now exists, available for use by those few lucky souls who are happy with the status quo. In the "pick up" option, however, the package will come to the nearest UPS, FedEx or Royal Air Mail* location. Upon its arrival, the customer will be emailed, and they can pick it up at their convenience... say, their lunch break that very day. I don't know about you, but I firmly believe this change would make the world a better place. In fact, let's move it to Number One on the Que of World Change. Forget Africa. Forget world peace.

* I ordered something from England. It's brilliant. Check it out.

PLANS FOR FRIDAY, MY DESIGNATED DAY FOR "MENTAL SANITY"

• Make a small exception to the Friday-No-School Rule and work on c-h stuff until approximately 3:00 a.m.
• Sleep.
• Work out.
• Watch Gilmore Girls while doing Girl Stuff.
• Do Girl Stuff: take a bath, do nails, put on good smelling lotion, blow dry hair, apply new (and over-priced) make-up, put on an "outfit."
• Girl Stuff pretty much includes everything in the way of personal care that is usually sacrificed for academia.
  
• Wander the aisles of Target with no general purpose.
• Call J.
  
• Call Snakemouth.
• Call San Diego.
  
• Eat Thai Food with A.
• Drink wine.
• Play with cats.
  
• Watch Transformers and Knocked Up (Thank you, Netflix. I do adore you.)
• Sleep more.

I love Fridays, but they go by very fast. Kind of like summers and Christmas. They are glimpses of the nice parts of life.

--buelsy (back to the books for twelve more hours)

break-ups and blogsounds.

I woke up this morning, went to take a shower, and discovered that there was no water to be had in Messy Manor (apart from A's many and scattered half-full water bottles). It really threw me off. Kinda like getting up on the wrong side of the bed. Only the shower. In consequence, I have a paper to re-write, five million things to read, three classes to plan, and a prospectus to finish editing. In short: Good bye, weekend. It was nice when we were together. Maybe it'll work out again someday. But right now, I think we should just see other people. You? You'll see happy people with lots of free time. Me? I'll see dead or distant writers who fail to communicate clearly. It's okay. Better to have loved and lost, right?

MENTAL DEVIATIONS FROM WRITING THE UNSUCCESSFUL PAPER FOR C-H:

1. Most over-used word in scholarly writing: notion

2. Favorite new scholarly writers: Moya and Blankenship

• How much would you love it if more authoritative sources talked in every day language? (AKA colloquialism as a marketing strategy.) I'll write about it.

• For instance, imagine a little window popping up on your computer that reads: “Firefox doesn’t know what to do :( ”

• I find great comfort/joy in adding words to my Microsoft Word Dictionary. Language can be conquered! Boo-yah!
  

• In California I drive slowly (occasionally) out of fear of getting egregiously expensive tickets. In Iowa, I drive slowly (almost always) because I’m afraid I’m going to hit a deer.

--buelsy (one foot in the shower)

tough times.

Next time you're in graduate school, think back to these words of wisdom: Doing two years of graduate work in a little over one year sounds like a great idea! It also may kill you! Have fun!

--buelsy (hindsight really is twenty-twenty)

maniacal candy eating gets the job done.

PARTICULARLY RELEVANT ISSUES FOR OCTOBER 16, 2007:

1. I can't stop eating candy. Every time I think I'm over candy, the "over-ness" only lasts for about five minutes, and then an alert in my brain goes off saying (in a startling good impression of Willy Wonka): "There are things in this world made purely of sugar! You're an adult! You can consume them whenever you want!" And then I cave. I mean, come on... it's candy.

2. I love blogs--I need blogs, but I have found it nearly impossible in the past to maintain one. Nonetheless, at this point in my life, when thesis writing is pretty much like breathing (if you're not doing anything else, you better be doing this!), I've found that non-academic writing is actually a pretty good mental warm-up to the beautiful headache that is Judith Butler, Gayatri Spivak, Karlyn Kohrs Campbell and me. That being said, I'm going to make a concerted effort to start blogging on a semi-regular, if not actually regular basis. We'll see.

LIFE HAPPENINGS WORTHY OF MENTION:

• Plane tickets to California for Christmas: Purchased.

• Wikipedia research on the making of the Internet: Contrary to popular belief, Al Gore did not invent it. Guess he got the Nobel Prize for something else.

• Snakemouth (my partner in crime) is coming to visit me in a little more than a week: Ridiculous amounts of excitement.

• Prospectus Committee Meeting: Scheduled for Wednesday, October 31st at 1:30 p.m. There will be candy.

• Gave in and bought new make-up from Bare Escentuals: UPS, move your butt.

QUANDARIES AND CONJECTURE:

Q: I need new music.
C: Multiple choice testing is ridiculous.
Q: The bathroom is very far from my office. This is a quandary without remedy, but still worthy of public gripe.
C: I have the best speech team in the world (They virtually destroyed at a TCFL tournament in MN today). I heart them.
Q: There's a paper that needs to be written. Sadly, by me.
C: Loving A even more than usual.

--buelsy (walking in socks at the university of northern iowa).